Introducing The True Clean Towel

So, I'm watching "Chelsea Lately" last night when the round table discussion included a nifty new item that just hit the market: True Clean Towel. Thanks to True Clean Towel, you no longer have to be stressed out over whether or not you are drying your face with the portion of the towel that you just dried your ass with. I mean after The Great Washcloth Debate, I didn't think that this argument could advance any further, but here we are.

Check out the True Clean Towel in action: http://youtu.be/lz7qDOl4bMc

If you're wondering whether or not I'll be placing an order or not, I'm not sure , but I'm thinking about it. Just in case you are interested as well, here is the link for ordering your own True Clean Towel: http://truecleantowel.com/true-clean-towel-slate.html/

I guess it's true what they say: Necessity is the mother of invention.

The Great Washcloth Debate

How many washcloths do you use? An innocent, yet loaded question. Your answer could bring silent judgements against you from your closest friends. The rule of thumb is that you usually have two: one used exclusively for the washing of your face and the other for the washing of your body. Simple, right?

Last month, my Work BFF told me the following tidbit while we driving along: "When I go away in trips with my friends, I always call housekeeping and ask for extra linens. I always make sure that everyone in the room has access to two washcloths. If someone doesn't make use of both of their washcloths, I get deeply offended." She was kidding about being deeply offended, but I totally understood where she was coming from. There is no way in hell that you should be using the same washcloth on your face as you do on your ass. Point blank. And if you are (I'm not judging), you should keep that bit of information to yourself.

Shortly after my conversation with Work BFF, I recounted that story to another co-worker. As I was talking, I noticed that she was getting this panicky look across her face. When I asked her what was wrong, she said to me, "Are you serious? You use more than one washcloth? Really? I only use one." Although I was unsettled, didn't judge. She then proceeded to call up several of her friends and take an impromptu poll. As it turns out, all of her friends that she called use two washcloths. One of them even told her that you shouldn't be washing your face with the same washcloth that you wash your ass with. I'm just saying!

At the end of the day, to each his own.

What Happened?

It's been nearly ten months since my last blog post, so I guess you're wondering what the hell has happened? Absolutely nothing! I've been too lazy to even bother to post anything. That's the whole truth and nothing but. I changed the name of my blog from "Zero Mind Adventures" to "Comments From The Smoking and Drinking Section" at the inspiration of my work BFF, Patrice. This past weekend, we attended a baby shower that was held at my favorite VFW bar and the bar was opened. Patrice dubbed our table "The Smoking and Drinking Section" which I loved, so I decided to change the name of blog accordingly. Needless to say, The Smoking and Drinking section had that baby shower jumping. Besides, everyone has a better time when a little smoking and drinking is involved during any instance. At least in my humble opinion.

Speaking of drinking, the cost of gas would drive anyone to drink these days. I think that we're coming to the point where one must choose between buying groceries or buying gas. Is it just me or do the prices seem to change hourly? Case in point, yesterday on my way to work, the gas station across the street had regular gas priced at $3.59 per gallon. By the time I left work, that same gas was $3.63. Two weeks ago, I was in New Jersey and the gas was $3.27 per gallon. I almost fainted.

I've developed a gas strategy. For one thing, I try not let me tank go under half. I have a 22 gallon tank, so you do the math. I also try to only purchase my gas at warehouse clubs like Sam's or Costco. Despite what the prices are at regular gas stations, their gas always seems to be cheaper. I also downloaded an app on my phone called "Gas Buddy", which tells you where to find the cheap gas in your location. Desperate times, call for creative measure

So tell me what your gas strategy is.

Until the next time, peace and blessings.

Some Thoughts on Michael

This Friday, June 25th, will mark the one year anniversary of the passing of Michael Jackson. As a teenager, growing up in the 1980s, you were either Team Michael or Team Prince. Although I was a out and proud Prince fan, I was a closeted Michael Jackson fan. The loss of Michael Jackson was a devastating one for his legions of fans. I myself was sad, but for entirely different reasons. I had mourned the loss of Michael Jackson many years before his actual passing.

My favorite Michael Jackson album is Off The Wall. Off The Wall was Michael's first adult solo album. Jay-Z recently commented in the introduction of the Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Songs of All Time that "Michael Jackson's Off The Wall album may not have been bigger than Thriller, but the songs had better melodies". Even to to this day, I could listen to that album from start to finish without skipping over any of the cuts. My personal favorites are "Girlfriend", "I Can't Help It', and "It's The Falling In Love". With the help of Quincy Jones Michael Jackson was able to get his feet firmly planted in his musical independence. Randy, Tito, Jackie, and Marlon must have have been afraid the first time when they heard the album.

Just as when any other person dies, when tend to remember the time and the place that we were when we heard the news. I remember reading about Michael Jackson's death on Twitter. When you read about some one's death on Twitter, you tend not to believe right away because shortly there after, contrary tweets denying the rumors follow. I had gotten off of work and was reading my tweets prior to boarding my train ( WMATA hasn't seen fit to provide coverage for my network of choice through their entire underground tunnel system as they have for Verizon as of yet). By the time I got home, Twitter was flooded with tweets regarding Michael's death. When I got home, I immediately turned on CNN to see if this horrible news were true. CNN would neither confirm nor deny. Much to my chagrin, the only channel that would confirm the story was FOX and TMZ (No surprise there).

I remember feeling numb at first. I also remember feeling bad for Janet and his children. I felt worse for Michael because he was so young, yet severely tormented by his own demons. I also remember feeling a sense of dread for all of the continuous video and musical tributes that would flooding the airwaves. That weekend was the same weekend that we celebrated my daughter's 22nd birthday. We had reserved a VIP section at a club, where they played a 20 minute Michael Jackson mix. It was nice to see how Michael's music had stretched across cultural as well as generational boundaries.

People will talk about Michael Jackson for the rest of their lives. His legacy will live on forever. It's true what they say, Michael, you're gone too soon. I hope that you are finally resting in peace - the peace that you deserve and craved.

Prince Fan For Life

Prince turned 52 years old today. It started me thinking about all of the special moments that I have experienced with his music. I am a self admitted Prince fanatic. During my teen years, my walls were plastered with various Prince posters and pictures (My parents weren't feeling the damage that the tape and staples left behind. Sorry Mom and Dad!). I used to joke around and say that Prince taught me everything that I know about sex. Just as he and his music have evolved over the years, so have I.

My first recollection of Prince was when I heard "Soft and Wet", I was too young to understand what he was really singing about. My cousin Michelle loved Prince, and I remember teasing her relentlessly about him looking like a girl on the album cover of For You. When his self-titled album Prince came out, I had matured a little more and grew to appreciate songs like "I Wanna Be Your Lover", "I Feel For You", "Why You Wanna Treat Me So Bad", and "Sexy Dancer". My real awakening to to the genius that is Prince came with the release of the Dirty Mind album. Although "Uptown" was my jam, I really liked "Dirty Mind" and "Head". Who could forget the Dirty Mind album cover? Controversy was another power play Prince favorite of mine. To this day, I can hear the piano chords of "Do Me, Baby" and still go weak.

When I 13, Prince released the 1999 album. It was a double album. I almost lost my mind. I had the album and the cassette. I would listen to the cassette when my parents would make me turn off the stereo in the living room. In confines of my room, with 1999 as the soundtrack of my life, I partied like it was 1999. My cousin and I made a pact that on December 31, 1999, we would throw a party to celebrate "two thousand zero, zero". At 13, age 30 seemed so old. Needless to say there was no party. 1999 is my all time favorite Prince album. I love the entire album and could probably quote the lyrics word for word. Although at age 41, I may have forgotten a word or two. You can always count on a Prince album to have at least one showstopping slow jam. On 1999, that cut is "International Lover". It makes me wonder how many children have been conceived to Prince slow jams? 1999 also has my all time favorite Prince song, "Lady Cab Driver". "Lady Cab Driver" is full of social commentary coupled with a disturbing rape fantasy. I don't condone rape in no way, shape , or fashion. For me, the song goes deeper than that. Besides, I didn't figure out the rape fantasy until well in my 20s.

In 1984, Prince decided to make a movie, Purple Rain. The acting was pure bullshit, but the soundtrack was pure gold. Purple Rain allowed Prince to do something that Michael Jackson would never do, win an Academy Award. Although Purple Rain is my top five of Prince favorites, the album is a sore spot for me. The movie and the subsequent tour massed Prince his biggest fan following ever. As a longtime Prince fan, the newcomers were annoying to us veterans. To me, it was too much pressure for one man and a Revolution. So much so that the albums following the release of Purple Rain were commercial disappointments. The newcomers did not understand the man nor his music. I also felt like they didn't understand how Prince is cyclical. With a birth date of June 7, 1958, Prince is a Gemini. He truly lives up to his sign. He is two people in one; therefore he's ever changing.

Despite all of the changes in his style, his band, his music, I've been in it for the long haul. I am a Prince fan for life. My iPod is loaded with a ton of his music. Every song evokes a memory or flashback to a particular space and time. His songs are personal friends. They console me, they poke fun at me, and they remind me of who I am. Our relationship has withstood the test of time, as well as my transition from teenager to woman. There is no denying Prince's talent and staying power. I've even managed to convert some folks into Prince fans. I tell people all the time, you either love him, or hate him. I love him. I always have and I always will.

Happy 52nd Birthday, Mr. Prince Rogers Nelson from a dedicated fan. Peace and blessings to you today and always.

Follow up: Prince blessed us with a gift on his birthday, a new song, Hot Summer.

Metro - A Necessary Evil

I commute to work daily by train. My safe passage to and from my place of employment comes courtesy of the Washington Metropolitan Transit Authority also known as the Metro. I used to drive to work on a daily basis but an increase in parking fees drove me to public transportation. In the years that I have been taking the Metro, I've come to view it as a necessary evil. Recently the fares increased by ten cents. Last year there was a terrible accident which has left Metro riddled with law suits and a less than dashing reputation.

Every day is an adventure on the Metro train. Despite the rowdy kids to the smelly overcrowded trains, I always find something to amuse or annoy me. What really annoys me is when I get squeezed in my seat by a fat person. I'm a big girl that knows her place and her own girth. Nothing annoys me more when a fellow fatty squeezes into the seat next to me. I know good and well that they see my big ass already squeezed up into the seat with my backpack on my lap and my recycle lunch bag between my knees. Why in the hell do they decide to squeeze in with me? Sometimes, I try to use my mental abilities to will those seat-seeking fatties to go past my seat and find someone else to make miserable. Sometimes my Jedi mind tricks work, other times they fail. I also use my Jedi mind trick to will skinny people to share the seat with me. It's much more comfortable that way. The other day, a fat lady squeezed next to me on my morning ride to work. Aside from cutting off my air supply, she also managed to infuse my whole left side with her cigarette smoke residue. So much for my morning spritz of Blue Egyptian Musk.

The funniest thing that ever happened to me on the Metro occurred two years ago: This lady and her friend got on the train and took one of the double seats. I noticed one of the ladies, whom I will call Maxi (you'll see why shortly)right away because she was carrying a big white and red leather purse. I couldn't help but wonder why Maxi was carrying this big ass white leather purse in January (it was waaaaaaaaaaaay out of season) and the purse DID NOT MATCH her outfit AT ALL. She was wearing brown and black. My inner diva was appalled. Once Maxi got comfortable, she started pulling stuff out of the bag. Among her trinkets, she pulled out a super-sized sanitary napkin! I was like "What the fuck?" At that point, Maxi saw me staring at her in awe, so I pretended to close my eyes as if I was going to sleep. I figured that she did not mean to pull that item out, but I had noticed that the pad was unwrapped. Soon after placing the pad back in her purse, Maxi pulled out compact. At this point, I started to go into to shock because she already had on waaaaaaaaay too much makeup. The thought of her piling on more made me want to get up and run off of the train. Maxi opened the compact and proceeded to check her makeup. I guess that she thought that her foundation needed blotting. To my surprise and sheer horror, Maxi pulled the sanitary napkin back out of her purse and blotted her makeup with it!!!!!!

(I know that you may find this hard to believe, but I swear before Jesus and all of the saints that this really happened.)

Forget it, by this time I decided to continue being ghetto and I was staring Maxi right in her face. While she was wiping away, I looked at the pad and noticed that it was caked up with a lot of makeup. Damn it! This was a normal practice for Maxi. I know that Maxi could feel my eyes burning into her behind her compact. I guess that she started to feel ashamed, because she turned to her friend to justify her use of a personal hygiene product as a makeup accessory. I was flabbergasted! Just as quickly as she whipped out her compact and Always Super Plus, she put them back in her big as white and red carry-on. After finishing her beauty ritual, Maxi pulled out a tube of lotion and greased herself down until she had a Hi-Pro glow. I guess that she felt as if her friend needed a little glamorizing as well. She handed the tube of lotion to her accomplice, but unlike Maxi she didn't have time to groom herself on the train. Maxi and Mini had reached their destination. Maxi grabbed her carry-on and scurried off of the train. I sure hope that Maxi runs into someone that give her real guidance on fashion (White handbags in the dead of winter are a strict no no) and makeup (She could purchase a bag of makeup sponges of any variety at any drug store for 99 cents).

Metro opens doors and exposes you to the weirdest things.

SPEAK ENGLISH!

Being an open-minded individual, I've always felt that people who speak a foreign language weren't obligated to adapt English over their native tongues. From my own experiences, I know for a fact that there are people who are living in the United States who cannot speak a lick of English and they don't have to and they never will. There are pockets of communities where these individuals conduct all of their business and personal needs within the confines of their cultural mores. That is all well and good; however as of late, I have been feeling some type of way about people learning to speak English. I hate to think that I have evolved into a narrow-minded Conservative, but it's getting hard to ignore my level of frustration with non-English speaking Americans.

I am a practitioner of Santeria , an African-based religion who roots are deeply seated in Cuba and Puerto Rico. The majority of our practitioners' native language is Spanish, therefore I hear a lot of Spanish whenever we have ceremonies or events. I used to speak Spanish fluently when I was in college because the majority of my friends were Puerto Rican and Dominican. Once I moved back home to Maryland, I stopped using my Spanish everyday like I did when I was living in New Jersey. Needless to say, my Spanish skills got atrophied. Basically, I can understand what people are saying when they are speaking in Spanish. My responses are stunted and littered with English, so I guess I'm fluent in Spanglish. Two weeks ago, I spent time working and participating in an initiation ceremony and a drumming. For the whole four days that I was there, I heard enough Spanish to have been transported back to La Isla Bonita. In the midst of the weekend, I was told by one of the elders that I needed to learn Spanish. In my mind, I was like WTF!? At that moment, I wanted to mount a soap box and scream "This is America, and you should be speaking English"; however I demurely shook my head, smiled, and kept my mouth shut. I was deeply offended. How dare they!

I am so tired of going into stores and restaurants and dealing with people who cannot comprehend my needs. I am tired of people smiling and shaking their heads at me, as if they understand the words that are coming out of my mouth, and they hardly have a clue. Unlike some of my fellow Americans, I am well aware of the fact that people who do not speak or understand English, will not understand it any better if you speak louder. I am so frustrated! I know that I am not alone in this, I'm just being honest.

Peace.